In 2007, my 9 Things That’ll Happen When We Run Out of Oil list swept across the Internet and I had enough reader responses to keep me busy for two weeks.
Not only did readers respond, but I was surprised by how many doom and gloomers there were. Today, I wanted to bring a more light-hearted approach to peak oil. I’m rather curious as to whether or not your sentiment has changed… After all, crude has been trading over $80 per barrel for more than a week. With the geopolitical scene in an uproar today, it’s difficult to see the bears winning the day.
Last time, for the sake of brevity, I had to leave out some of my favorite submissions from readers. I’m hoping some of you will recognize your own work:
- Bootleggers will sell Vaseline on the black market for its petroleum content.
- The 45th President of the United States will be Amish.
- There’s a renewed interest in HORSE-power.
- Buying a Ford Mustang in 2030 involves a leather or pleather saddle option.
- The Road Warrior will no longer be considered a story of fiction.
And with a little extra digging, my team and I uncovered some peak oil nuggets from the other side of the fence…
- Peak oil is a scam designed to create artificial scarcity and jack up prices while giving the state an excuse to invade our lives and order us to sacrifice our hard-earned living standards. — Paul Joseph Watson & Alex Jones, The Myth of Peak Oil
- I laugh at peakers not because of silly price predictions, but because they so easily confuse pricey oil with the Wal-Mart trucks stopping.
- Peak oil was a useful propaganda tool in the 1950s when domestic U.S. production couldn’t compete with Middle East oil. It’s a joke among oilmen… but useful to energy brokers who have never set foot in an oil field.
- Soon, very soon, the celebrity-worship ModernMediaCircus will be unable to hide the truth of Peak Oil Energy Descent. Unfortunately, the U.S. government doesn’t have a PLAN. That’s because they don’t have the courage to get realistic about the problem. Instead, the ModernMediaMachine continues to serve up a menu of tasty tidbits in the form of sound bites attempting to rationalize why President Obama’s escalation of a war should be rewarded with a Nobel Peace Prize, and Tiger Woods’ lying, cheating, and thieving should be rewarded by continued reverence and undeserved "respect" for privacy. Don’t be fooled — the party is over.
- Peak oil is mainly an urban myth; and like very good urban myths, it is based on truths. The truth is oil production will peak someday — perhaps in the next decade. What’s mythical about it is the sheer doom pornification of this event, creating a narrative of human civilization collapse. People abuse statistics and information is used just to get the point across.
- Eugene Island is an oil field in the Gulf of Mexico, 80 miles off the coast of Louisiana. It was discovered in 1973 and began producing 15,000 barrels of oil a day which then slowed to about 4,000 barrels in 1989. But then, for no logical reason whatsoever, production spiked back up to 13,000 barrels a day.
- "These huge reserves enable the Kingdom [Saudi Arabia] to remain a major oil producer for between 70 and 100 years, even if it raises its production capacity to 15 million barrels per day, which may well happen during the next 15 years…"
- Everytime I hear the words "a model based on Hubbert’s," my bullshit alarm bells start ringing like mad.
And Now… 9 (NEW) Things We’ll See Down the Backside of Peak Oil
10. ExxonMobil creates the first combustible engine that runs on U.S. currency. In 2030, it turns out the dollar is worth more as a burned fuel.
9. Oil traders start buying candle-wax futures on the NYMEX.
8. Obama’s health care plan is amended to include a new tax on sunshine for all Americans.
7. Sarah Palin reassures the tea party activists that oil is plentiful in Alaska, assuming the U.S. takes over Russia and western Siberia becomes part of her home state.
6. BMX now sells their latest bikes with free LoJack systems.
5. Nostradamus followers now study Nancy Sinatra’s famous prediction. These boots are made for walking.
4. Following Richard Nixon’s lead, politicians are now required to have a solution for energy independence, as well as a plan on how best to break their promises.
3. OPEC’s oil production declines by 50%, yet members still insist their reserves have doubled… again.
2. Soylent Green wins the Oscar for "Best Documentary" in 2022.
1. In 2030…
If you’re wondering why my 9 Things list has ten spots, it’s because I wanted my readers to contribute the #1 spot. I want to know what you think should be on top.
Just as before, I don’t want you to pull the punches; just keep it clean.
To send in your submission, simply click the "Comment on this Article" link below.
Interestingly, here is one of the reader responses I received last time:
"Energy and Capital is now called Capital as readers bank 1000% gains.
Sounds like a decent idea, doesn’t it?
The interesting part is that half of this response came true… In fact, quite a few of my readers are up 1267% on one oil stock that catapulted in 2009. It’s no secret there’s a real oil bonanza happening in the U.S., and this free bonus report gives readers access to the best plays in America’s last oil boom. Simply click here to learn more about this opportunity.
Until next time,
Keith Kohl
